come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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