my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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