My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
