He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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