i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
