We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
