I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
