Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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