Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
