We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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