That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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