Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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