U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
