Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
