My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
