I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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