I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
