you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
