Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
