I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This is classic penis vs brain.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
