fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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