There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
