I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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