She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
don't judge my taste in strippers
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
