She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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