Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The air taste purple.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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