What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
