Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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