I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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