and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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