Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
