Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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