Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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