is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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