I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
