his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
