If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
