Kiss
Puke
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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