it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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