When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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