Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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