her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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