I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
