I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
