i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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