she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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