I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
