so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
