i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
