covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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