im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
