you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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