My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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