you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
