He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
