I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
