I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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