one two three fourrrrnication!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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