i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
