bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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