Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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